The Vacation

I always thought it couldn't happen to me. That every lecture that held me up waiting to go out on my excursion was just because they were crazy. I was always careful, if they trust me but not everyone else that's the same as them not trusting me! I was wrong, I was so wrong.

August 25, 2013 I woke up, peering at the vibrant light beaming from my phone accompanied by that dreaded alarm buzz I've come to know all too well. It was 6:45 a.m and the start of my vacation had officially began! My family and a friend were headed to the Oregon Dunes for a day of fun. We all had our own ATV's(bikes), My dad, brother, sister-in-law, and myself all had 2 stroke Banshees. Our mutual friend who I'll leave unnamed for his privacy had a 4 stroke Raptor. My family has been riding for years, all together around 20 years experience. I had been on a Banshee since I was 8 riding by myself, and since I was 2 riding with a family member. I struggled, getting my riding gear on and my weather protective clothing underneath it all. The ensemble consisted of jeans, a camisole, 3 sweatshirts under a riding jersey, and Christmas socks. A much needed variety of layers for the typical unpredictable Oregon Coast weather. As I eagerly awaited the arrival of my brother, sister-in-law, and friend to load the bikes. I updated my Facebook status nearly every half hour. It was not only the anxiously awaited start of my vacation, it was also the first time my father was going to ride his bike again in almost 10 years after a traumatic accident of my uncle(his brother) had encountered. He swore up and down, on everything he had he would never ride again. So, we stopped. All of us.

They arrived, my dad uneasy about going. He made sure to check, check, oh and recheck everything we did. The helmets, the bikes being tied down, the gas cans, the helmets, the coffee, the gas cans, the bikes tied down, the helmets. After an entire hour of lag, late but still within the same day we left to Florence, Oregon. The ride there, was amazing! A truck full of laughter, stories, coffee, and hungry stomachs. We arrived and made a quick stop at a grocery store to grab some food before we got to the dunes. We pulled into our favorite camping site that we had always gone to for years and years. My stomach felt like nothing I could ever accurately describe. I was excited, I was nervous, and I was overwhelmingly proud of my father for going on this trip even though I know he was scared to death of everything we would soon be embarking on. We unloaded the bikes off the trailer, and road out into the dunes. In a long staggered line through the camp site, woven in between each other like some kind of magnetic field was adhering us in a group. The first bowl(set of sand dunes) we come through was one that brought back a swarm of memories without even thinking just appeared like I was reliving a movie scene I had watched so many times. We rode through still in our group to the second bowl where we all staggered and stopped. Looking around I smiled at my dad, even through my helmet I knew he could see my smile from ear to ear.

We proceeded, going over hills and driving on top of packed grey sand that led down hill and to flat terrain where single passenger riders were periodically passing by leaving a trail of two long tracks wherever they so chose. We had a leader, my brother. He knew the dunes like the back of his hand and led us to the beach where we all tooled around and really started catching gears and pulling ahead of each other. Leading to wheelies, and I'm pretty sure I "accidentally" may have roosted(thrown sand with the back tires/paddles onto the rider behind you by quick throttle acceleration). We were having a blast! We rode on, whipping through beach trails with the sun on our backs! The white gleaming sand that looked like millions of diamonds had been put in a blender and precisely tossed on top of the sand making it luster like a dream, or a fairy tale.

We paused, only briefly to shed the unnecessary layers of clothing we didn't need that we were sure we would have. We laughed, and talked about how beautiful it was. We took pictures with our phones and collectively decided we should head back to camp, just for a quick minute to drop off our jackets and sweatshirts and come back out and ride. So we went off, slowly pacing each other coming to the end of the trail that led us into the path back to the second bowl. We came out to a flat patch of sand that hosted a steep hill.

We all stopped, we began looking at each other. One by one, I looked at my dad, my dad looked at my brother, my brother looked at me, and my sister-in-law locked eyes on the hill. My dad asked me, "You going to go up it?!" without hesitation I said "Yeah!!!!!" he replied with, "Let's get it then!". I kicked my bike until the sweet beastly sound fled from under me. "REEEEEUUUUNNNNNNN" went the Banshee, I pushed my foot down popping the gear into first, I used my right thumb to rev the bike as I let go of the clutch and shifted into second, then third, then fourth.

Airborne, I was with wind carrying me. I don't remember, I don't get it. I don't know what happened, I'm on the sand laying there. I have to get up! I stood, I fell. My dad ran over to me as I saw my group leap off their bikes and throw their helmets. "Baby, please tell me you're okay! Please! PLEASE! Candace, look at me, look AT me. Baby, please, oh god! Please, tell me you're okay!!". "I'm fine, I just(wind knocked out of me)..can you, I, take my helmet off." "No!No! Lay down, now!" "No, dad please I'm okay take my helmet off now!!" (he tilted my head up unbuckling the helmet) "ugh, I have to pee really bad!" My sister-in-law crouched down on all fours looking at me said, "I can ride you over there by those bushes and we can go potty." (I didn't answer) "Is that what you want to do? We can go, I'll take you right now!" My dad chimed in, "Do you see why I always tell you to be careful? Oh, god! Are you okay? Lay still." "No, I'm going, I can't stop it, I'm peeing right now." "okay, that's okay, you're alright" "Daddy, I can't see, Dad...Dad...I can't see" "Alright, we have to get her out of here. We're going to the hospital." "Am I going to be okay?" ......... "You're going to be fine...you're okay" my sister-in-law said. My dad put me on the back of his bike, as we left my bike, our and our friend there in the second bowl to wait. My dad pulled both of my arms and locked my fingers into each other and yelled in the most heart wrenching tone. "You hold on, do you hear me? You hold on and you DO NOT let go!" I did...I did.

We made it back to camp, and like my brother and dad were walking on hot pavement they hurled the trailer off the truck. My dad hopped in the driver seat as I blankly stared at the windshield asking to leave. We broke at least 10 laws on the 6 mile drive to the local hospital. Nearly on two wheels as we pulled into the parking lot, a nurse with a wheel chair came out, and sat me down in it and wheeled me to a very white room. Sand gritting against my face as I reached up and touched my hair that was mangled around my face. "What happened?" asked the nurse as she shut a cupboard door tossing me a gown. "I went off a cliff" I answered. "She, She was riding and she went off a razor back, I watched the whole thing happen. She fell maybe 30-35 ft and then she just fell. She landed on her neck, she tumbled the whole way down and then stood up and fell down. She couldn't see, she went to the bathroom on herself." "okay, alright." she nodded back to my dad. "can you tell me what day it is?" "Sunday." "Okay, and what year is it?" "2013" "Alright. Good." She began taking my blood pressure and stripping off my riding gear, sand fell everywhere onto the white sheet of the bed. She started an IV while I started crying and asked her "Am I going to be okay?" She didn't answer, I glanced over toward my dad. He was crying. I wept harder. I asked once more, "Am I going to be okay?...Please?" "Well, I don't know. You seem to be answering my questions and you're not tore open and bleeding, it looks like you might be, but I don't know I'm not a doctor. I can't tell you." I started crying even harder as my dad left the room and called my mom on my phone. It wasn't even 2 minutes before he came walking back in with the phone extended out to me, him telling me to talk. I knew this was going to be a hard phone call... "Hello.." "WHAT HAPPENED? Candace, Are you okay?" "Mom, I'm fine." "Candace, don't you lie to me. Don't be a hero, are you okay?" "Mom, I'm okay! They are just running some tests and they are going to let me know what's going on and I'll tell you as soon as I know." I heard nothing but her crying and breathing into the phone, I couldn't help but do the same as my dad came over to my bedside and held my hand with both of his. Covering my hand so that it looked like a huge growth was on top of my hand. He had to leave, he had to go get the rest of the group that was aimlessly awaiting the return of my dad. So there I sat, waiting... I was there by myself, periodically asking everyone that came in there if I was going to be okay. I even asked a janitor if I was going to be okay and his reply to me was "I'm just here to restock the linen". I was losing my mind every second that went by. Finally, the my dad and my sister-in-law appeared and the doctor all arrived at the same time. The moment I was so ready for, I've never been more ecstatic to see a ER doc in all of my life. My dad and sister-in-law on the right side of me and the doc on my left, he started talking in blurs to me until he mentioned a CT scan and the surgeon to come in. I felt my heart drop, and the monitor that was hooked to me taking my blood pressure every 10 minutes started to go ballistic. My blood work had come back un-normal. "What does that mean?" "Well, we don't know yet. I'm ordering a CT scan and I'm going to have our surgeon come back in with me and we'll go from there" "How long is that going to take before we know anything?" asked my dad. "We can get the results back in about 30-45 minutes it just depends on how busy our radiology department is. We send the results to Eugene and they do the reads." We had no choice, we had to wait all of us! I just cried, as phone calls were made and other members of my group came into my room. I just began the process all over again each time someone new came in my room, it didn't matter who it was that walked in. I asked the same question followed by tears "am I going to be okay?" Nobody would answer me. Nobody could answer me. It wasn't 20 minutes after the CT scan the surgeon and the doctor came in simultaneously. I just knew something was wrong. They wouldn't be here together with that look on their face if something wasn't wrong.

They spoke, Greek is what it felt like windings actually! The final result, I had internal bleeding. They didn't know how much, they didn't know what was bleeding, and they didn't know if they could fix it but they assured me and my family they were going to do everything they could. My sister-in-law broke down and started rubbing my arm. I felt nothing. Nothing had sunk in, I didn't understand. What just happened? I looked up at her, "I'm sorry, I know you're going to be alright I just love you so much" she said. I lost it. My dad grabbed my sister-in-law and held her as they hugged.

This was it, they were wheeling me into a room for surgery. I looked beside me to see my brother and dad looking at me as if I was a sensitive piece of fine china. "We're going to be right here when you get out okay? We'll be right here" I nodded and I was pushed through two double doors and entered a room with a loud beeping sound. Two nurses introduced themselves to me and their names, I couldn't tell you.  They placed this long elephant trunk looking thing over my face and nose and encouraged me to take long,deep breaths.

I woke up, I was in ICU. My dad, brother, boyfriend, and mom were gathered around me like I was looking through a fish bowl. My dad was the first to talk and tell me the surgeon found a 7 inch laceration on my colon, a broken vessel, and lots of bruising. I had lost 16 oz of blood and was very lucky I came in when I did because I didn't need a blood transplant.  I lifted my blankets and looked at a portion of my stomach that was uncovered. My stomach was blue from the surgical procedure, and all I could see was black from the dried blood lining the incision. 

I was alive, and I was tired. I couldn't fight my eye lids from closing as I see my family weep with love that something, somehow saved my life.  For that, I'm forever grateful and I start a new journey every day.

This, is my story from that day on.